I wrote this almost exactly five years ago. It got cited by the big Manosphere blog, Chateau Heartiste, and got a lot of views. (An epithalamium is a poem written to celebrate a wedding.)
Like an unopened letter from God,
Like white icing on a cake,
Like the seal on a bottle,
Uncut, pristine, unadulterated, not fake.
Like the first gulp of water,
Like ice from a glacier,
Like the freshest of entrees
Untouched, pure, clean and sincere.
As fresh as Eve, as sweet as Mary,
Coming to be wed,
Celebrating the hymenal feast,
Bringing her maidenhead.
Like red and white roses,
the blood on the bed.