How a wife should be disciplined: a guest post

 

A wife I know from the Internet writes:

 

“Blogger Judgybitch recently wrote an article on her husband’s physical strength being part of the reason for her remaining faithful and respectful towards him. I find myself agreeing with her. Wives remain faithful and virtuous partially because of his physical strength and the possibility of its exertion. A husband’s physical strength over his wife inspires admiration and respect. And what’s wrong with that?

Corporal punishment within marriage was largely accepted in the past and playfully shown in advertisements, plays, literature, movies. It’s a legitimate exertion of authority. It is not an intrinsic evil. It can even portray a form of loving care. To spank a child is sometimes necessary to instill a sense of right and wrong and urgency to a matter. But women are not children! I hear readers protest.  And this is true, women are not children; they are not men either.

Judgybitch was not talking about abuse or beatings, she was expressing  a man’s intrinsic power over a woman. Not harsh treatment rather discipline, husbandry, a taming. After all, Man was meant to tame. He was given headship and dominion over the fields, the earth, animals and his wife. There is a beauty to this domestication and certainly a tension, but in this tension great meaning is carried. How often do we see marriages deadened by the obsession of equality! It lacks any spark! For it is this tension, the difference, the inequality which creates interest, respect, attraction. Society has tried to make all things equal. The very idea of any discipline or husbandry has been cast aside. How dull.

In my own experience being reprimanded by my husband is extremely effective in gaining virtue, rooting out my defects. I can not stand to disappoint my husband. But why? It is because of his love and authority. That authority is written in my heart and his. It is further reflected in his body and mine. His strength, my weakness.  His voice, his presence, his masculinity moves me- I want to please him. At once original sin fills me with desires to control yet I know my virtue will only be found in submission and his only in dominion.

Once, I said something very rude, laughed, thought nothing of it. Until my husband’s calloused palms scratched my upper arm and I felt his grip. I looked up to a stern face and calm voice, Don’t ever say something like that again. I was dumbstruck. He was right. I immediately regretted my words. I apologized to him. It was a brief moment. Seconds!  Would I have I seen just how rude I was without that? No. That was four years ago now, believe me, gossip is no longer my major defect.

This taming is not demeaning I assure you. One can not tame anything without great respect and love. The author Antoine de Saint-Exupery writes of the relationship between tamer and tamed in his book, “The Little Prince” It is hauntingly beautiful and  I believe many parallels can be drawn from it. In the story the fox wishes to be tamed by the prince. The prince, intrigued, asks him “what does tamed mean? The fox replies:

It’s  something that’s been too often neglected. It means, ‘to create ties’  . . . If you tame me, we’ll need each other. . . One only understands the things which he tames . . . if you tame me then shall we need each other. To me you will be unique in all the world . To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . .  if you tame me my life will be filled with sunshine. I’ll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from the rest. Other footprints will send me back underground, Yours will call me out of the burrow like music . .. you become responsible forever for what you have tamed.

And isn’t that how it is in a loving marriage? the husband protecting, loving, guiding, taming thus understanding his wife and responsible for her. The wife so understood and protected that a love forms, such that even the footsteps heard are a calling known only to the beloved and his mark a music. Yes, this has been too often neglected. We are afraid of creating ties. We are afraid of the tension needed to create any worthwhile connection. We are afraid of the work involved and the responsibility held to such a relationship.

Loving discipline, a man exerting his God-given authority over his wife is a good. It may never resort to physical  punishment but let’s not demonize it.  Like all forms  of husbandry there is a tension, both a roughness and sweetness, a mixed gall.”

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29 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Julian O'Dea on May 17, 2016 at 1:14 am

    Obviously this is a fraught area, but I think we have become a bit obsessed with exactly what goes on behind other peoples’ closed doors. I tend to think that if it works, to keep the marriage a success, go ahead. (There is nothing like marriage to make a pragmatist of a man or woman!)

    I have never been in such a relationship, but imagine that there was a married Christian couple and the wife was seriously disrespectful to her husband in public. Imagine that she later agreed she was in the wrong and that – consensually on both sides – he were to give her six strokes with his belt on her bottom. I would not be greatly concerned.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Julian O'Dea on May 18, 2016 at 3:51 am

    With an essay like the one above, I like to leave the text alone rather than try to add to it. But I do want to take one remark out that I particularly liked and highlight it:

    “… women are not children; they are not men either.”

    Reply

  3. Posted by Zeta on May 18, 2016 at 5:54 am

    I recall with affection the clever way that Petrucio tamed Katarina in “The Taming of the Shrew” he didn’t apply physical force but cleverly outwitted her. This doesn’t mean I disagree with the author. Just appreciating Petrucio.

    Reply

    • Posted by Julian O'Dea on May 18, 2016 at 6:08 am

      I can’t remember how physically rough Petruchio got with Kate. But he certainly used very good “Game.”

      All men should read The Taming of the Shrew.

      Personally I don’t think that real formal corporal punishment is likely to work in too many marriages. A man is far better off getting willing obedience.

      A playful smack on the arse is harmless and makes one’s point in a casual way. And, like the light-hearted spankings many women crave, it is probably the best approach.

      Reply

      • Posted by Zeta on May 19, 2016 at 9:13 am

        “All men should read The Taming of the Shrew.” I read it first and later saw the Liz Taylor – Richard Burton rendition. It was splendid. Don’t recall him laying a hand on her but she did do violence on him, at least in the movie (-:

        Here is Katarina’s final speech https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0M6oX_2OUg

        Liz Taylor was a remarkably beautiful woman.

        You can find other scenes from the movie, to see the whole thing you would have to download it from a torrent site like I did as that one doesn’t seem to be on YouTube in full.

      • Posted by Zeta on May 19, 2016 at 9:15 am

        Here is a much older BW version of the play.

      • Posted by Zeta on May 19, 2016 at 9:21 am

        The old version is with Mary Pickford (very old) but so far it seems good. (-:

  4. Must admit that I stopped reading after the third paragraph. Might pick it back up later. But must suggest that the equality inherent in my own relationship is exactly where I find the tension, the “spark”. There’s no tension or excitement in dominance. It is predictable, mundanely stable. Dominance is dull, the more total it is.

    Reply

    • Posted by Julian O'Dea on May 18, 2016 at 11:53 pm

      In my experience, young couples have a lot of natural sexual tension, but as you get older and children come, the inequality and hierarchy become more functional.

      Reply

      • Oh. So the tension is irrelevant to the hierarchy – in younger couples especially or exclusively? Makes sense.

      • Posted by Julian O'Dea on May 19, 2016 at 12:26 am

        It is a hard idea to get across perhaps. When you are young, there is more natural equality and you are both attractive in a masculine or feminine style (I don’t mean to say that there is no hierarchy – in fact women can be especially submissive when they are young and sexy – but it is less obvious when you are young.)

        As one settles into a marriage or LTR, the roles tend to become more rigid, especially as their functionality becomes more obvious. If the man becomes the chief breadwinner and the woman the chief caregiver for the family, the need for roles becomes more urgent. In fact, in my own experience, the hierarchy becomes more obvious as one ages.

  5. “In fact, in my own experience, the hierarchy becomes more obvious as one ages.” I agree, especially when children come. You realize you can’t do it all. In order to run a smooth household you fall into the different roles and then you find those roles shaping your relationship even further and strengthening it.

    Reply

    • Posted by Julian O'Dea on May 19, 2016 at 2:09 am

      Yes. In many ways a family is like a small business. Clear roles and duties are needed. There is no harm in some roles being “reversed” (my wife is interested in cars; I have always done a fair bit of child minding) but somebody needs to have the final say. And I think marriages in which it is the husband are happier and more stable. As my wife once said, it avoids constant disagreement.

      And yes, roles do shape relationships. You play at being a husband or wife for a few years, with some of what sociologists call “role distance”, and then the roles become more natural.

      Reply

  6. […] a previous post, this comment from a Christian […]

    Reply

    • Posted by Zeta on May 20, 2016 at 5:13 am

      Could only get through a few paragraphs. I suppose it really boils down to how you define “strong.” I would not want a weak woman with no strength of character, who would not stand up for what is right, is of noble bearing, one who was the daughter of a brave man and is fit to be the mother of courageous sons, but is also respectful of her superiors and seniors. But if “strong” is a euphemism for an in-your-face harpy, then no thanks. Same with those who advertise as “sassy” don’t need them don’t want them.

      Reply

    • Posted by Jim on June 12, 2016 at 7:35 pm

      If that’s true then I have at least one reason for liking Pat Robertson.

      Reply

      • Posted by Julian O'Dea on June 13, 2016 at 12:43 am

        It is on a satirical site.

      • Posted by Jim on June 13, 2016 at 1:55 am

        I was kidding. Because if he had actually said that it would have been a national scandal. Calls of misogyny and all that other bullshit. He would have been hauled up before the image of Gaia and ritually sacrificed to the feminist goddesses.

        You notice some of the cunts in the comments section talking tough. Funny stuff. They don’t even know it’s satire. Lol!

      • Posted by Julian O'Dea on June 13, 2016 at 2:25 am

        I must admit it fooled me last night. It is the kind of thing he might almost say.

        The site below seems to refer to a similar genuine case, with a pastor’s wife recommending corporal punishment for gossiping wives. I think that this is genuine.

        http://www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com/maritaldiscipline.html

        In all honesty though, I think if a man feels he has to resort to that, he has lost control of the relationship.

      • Posted by Jim on June 13, 2016 at 3:04 am

        “In all honesty though, I think if a man feels he has to resort to that, he has lost control of the relationship.”

        Nah. It’s just the proper response to make when necessary. Same with kids. It’s called “discipline”.

      • Posted by Julian O'Dea on June 13, 2016 at 3:10 am

        In my experience, I wouldn’t recommend it.

      • Posted by Jim on June 13, 2016 at 8:03 am

        I would. It’s completely logical.

      • Posted by Julian O'Dea on June 13, 2016 at 9:00 am

        I suspect that in 99% of cases it is not genuinely punitive but erotic. (Of course a man could throw a couple of punishment strokes in even so.)

  7. […] as a woman blogger and wife wrote at a guest post on this blog: “And this is true, women are not children; they are not men […]

    Reply

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