Bringing sandwiches (or tea) as a proxy for femininity

One of the tropes of the Manosphere is the “bring me a sandwich” line.

This seemingly harmless line is a flashpoint for the debates over feminism vs femininity.

On the face of it, like most arguments, it seems to be about something silly. But it is – at least – what some people call a “symbolic issue”.

However I believe there is a deeper reason why this issue is so contentious. It taps into a deep truth. Namely that a woman who will “fetch a sandwich” – or in a more British or Australian idiom – “bring a nice cup of tea” – is a fundamentally feminine woman.

British writer Jilly Cooper, I think it was, wrote that she had a boyfriend who once told her to get him a cup of tea. Reading between the lines, it seems to have turned her on. He had perhaps awakened her femininity.

The fact is that a good woman will fetch you food or drink. If a girlfriend has no instinct to do this, and takes no pleasure in it, that is a bad sign.

I know a wife who will always put a meal in front of her husband, whatever the circumstances, and will always bring him a cup of tea, no matter how she feels. There seems to be some deep-seated instinct in women to do this kind of thing.


3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Ollie on November 13, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    If you remember, there was a story a while back about a woman making sandwiches to earn her husband:

    It caused a huge amount of butthurt in the liberal/feminist press. I think the size and extent of the reaction betrays not only the tendency of women to personalize news about others, but also their tendency to attack anything they perceive as a threat by collectively shaming it.


    • Oh, they will react like that sometimes. Some of them dislike it when another woman does something special for her husband. I remember one woman who used to get up early to make breakfast for her husband (he had an early shift) and other women complained that she was making them look bad.

      Another anecdote. When my wife and I were fairly newly married, she rang me at work and it must have been obvious she was “asking my permission” for some expenditure (she still does this for some reason – I don’t expect her to, she just does). Anyway two of my female co-workers made negative remarks. I said nothing; but I did think to myself – yes, and one of you has no boyfriend and the other is getting divorced.

      What I think a lot of these critical women resent is another woman’s happiness in her role.


  2. […] What I wrote previously on the vexed sandwich (and tea) issue. […]


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