“Self-deception” and women’s “preferences”

Recently I wrote this at Grerp’s blog:


” Yes to women not really knowing their own minds. I have written about this on Roissy’s blog, and related it to “self-deception” in the technical animal behavioural sense identified by Trivers … The idea is that women may genuinely believe consciously one thing but actually do the opposite. So they will say, perfectly truthfully in their conscious mind, and therefore with great capacity to convince, ‘I want a decent guy who will treat me well’, but actually give it up for the bad boy. The strategy might make some kind of evolutionary sense – be impregnated by the biggest alpha but pair bond with the beta who will care for you and your children. It might be relevant that women are most interested in being sexually dominated when they are ovulating. “

Here is a paper by Robert Trivers on the important behavioural concept of self-deception. The basic idea is that the best lie is the lie you believe yourself.


I think women may be self-deceiving when they say, quite sincerely, that they like “nice guys”, while their behaviour suggests that it is tougher guys who really push their buttons, or at least tougher behaviour.

I sometimes wonder if men don’t self-deceive about their self-worth. A lot of men seem far more confident than their actual performance would warrant. I suspect this is a typically male form of self-deception. A lot of men seem to feel that they deserve the best in terms of women, despite no apparent qualities to support their belief.

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